We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She even gives head with a lisp.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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