I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
