hotel room ftw
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
