Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
