I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
