I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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