Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize