"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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