If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
