I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dignity is for republicans.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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