There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
