my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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