so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
