I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
too bad you live with your parents still
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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