So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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