so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
