He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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