I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
