3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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