Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
