I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
