Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
