Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If that was your dad, he is hot
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
