if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
