My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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