How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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