i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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