i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
