the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
