yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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