I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
