At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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