I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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