I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
