In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
