the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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