Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
