He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do vagina's smell?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
