My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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