now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My dick has a subreddit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pooping to opera.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
