I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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