im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
