Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize