hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
