I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
