Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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