The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize