So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
