Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Only a mothe r could love this liver
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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