you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize