Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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