I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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