I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
