Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
