I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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