I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
