Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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