we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
