so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
