It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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