Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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