That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
