My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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