you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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