I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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