ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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