M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
