I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
