She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize