I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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