it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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