Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
