you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
