saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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