i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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