I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
