Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The struggles of a small town man whore
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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