They should really pass out barf bags in church
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
