Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
