Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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