Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
