And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
