if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
