I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
