I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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