Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
