I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
