If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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