hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
