Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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