is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
