you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize