My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
