Kiss
Puke
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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