i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
