she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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