i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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