It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So many bounce houses so little time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
