when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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