My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
