i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
