Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
