I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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