My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Say something about gay babies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
