Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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