and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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