I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
