he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
