Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
