Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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