the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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