so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
