someone get that fucking seahorse.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
