She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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