Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
