just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
