this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize