yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
