If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize